For all the spunky women I know

Here are some quotes and phrases of the month from some o the women I know and love.

"playing Johnny jack-around"  Ruth's was of saying not doing work, or goofing off


"It's the fart in the stairwell"  Bridget's version of elephant in the room, or something...




 "Dippity Doodlies" Ruth again, calling something silly

Also, here is a picture of the late Silvie, who came a long way and was taken too early.

Dear Momma,

Get better soon please.  I need ya.

Molly's Wisdom Corner: An Ode to Tituba

 I have a quote, one from many Tuesdays ago, and I am dedicating it to my darling dead chicken (RIP Tituba) who was murdered Thursday night.


"Chickens are dinosaurs. If you're ever in doubt, look at a chicken foot." or something along those lines.

                                                             Tituba and Gretel

                                                                Silvie (the mama and protector)

AAAAPPLE BUTTER PART 1.

Hip Hip Horray dudes! Yeah, autumn is here. That's right, and you know what the ultimate flavor of autumn is? APPLE BUTTER!!!!


This is a series on apple butter makin. We all know apple butter is a true country time food, and there is nothing better than making your own tasty ass apple butter, canning it, and then sharing with friends and family ( although I do tend to keep like 80% of what I make for myself, but I'm also a greedy gut). We will start today with the collecting of the apples. You are going to need a crap ton since when you cook apples they end up being reduced to hardly anything.

There are apple trees in the parking lot of my mother's work. No one does anything with them! So, for the past four or five years we've been sneaking out there at night and picking a bunch. This is kind of silly. First of all, she works there, so who is gonna bust us? Second, no one wants them! So we might as well take what we can and actually use them instead of them falling to the ground and rotting. It does make it fun to sneak around at night though. This year we went on a Saturday at 3pm. and just loaded up a paper shopping bag and a whole big purple tote bag full. The cars were staring but they are the suckers cause I gots some FREE FOOD!

So you need to get some apples. I got a bunch of tiny free ones and I'm stoked to use them. Another viable option is to go to your local farmers market and hit up some awesome deals there.
I am a fool and walked to the market today and decided to purchase more apples. These ones were to eat, I swear, but a half a peck is a heck of a lot to eat when a person is about to leave town. So now I have more apple butter apples.

Store your apples in a cool dry place until you are ready to begin processing them.

You can also scout out places in your neighborhood and offer to help them out by cleaning up their apples so they don't rot. It's a win-win situation. They don't have a stinking fermented mess in their yards, and you have free apples to turn into pure autumn gold.

Snot Rocketing- or the environmentally friendly nose blow

Hey Friends!

In honor of the new month, and a new month of allergies, I will be writing a tutorial on how to blow ones nose without a handkerchief. To some this act may seem rude and ungentlemanly. Fear not! In this day in age, green living comes before all other chivalrous behavior, so jump on the tree huggin train and blow a booger out your nose.

The method described was formulated by a woman (me) who rides her damn bike all over the city in every type of weather, and is most effective for thick snot in the winter months and moderately effective for thinner allergy type drainage. It is least effective for the everyday booger or drip, in which case I recommend a good nose pick.

Step 1:  Decide which nostril is more clogged. This will help in fully clearing the passage without accidental double drainage.

Step 2: Press your index finger to the nostril opposite the most clogged one. Turn and tilt your head slightly (a 30 degree angle should do it) in the direction of the extremely clogged nostril (we will call this top clog)

Step 3: Take a deep breath in through the mouth, since your nose is super clogged.

Step 4: Using a quick, forceful blow, exhale fully through the top clog. Remember to keep that finger on the nose while doing this.

Step 5: Use the back of your hand to wipe away any residue.

Step 6: Repeat this process on the minor clog side.


Alright! Now you are prepared to face the world with your greener knowledge. If anyone gives you dirty looks, just remember they haven't tapped into that bank of earth lovin wisdom yet, and when all the trees die and no one has aloe lubed kleenex anymore they will be suffering.

How to Construct a Beer Badge

What is different today?
Why do you look so distinguished?

Oh, of course.  A beer badge.

Don't you just hate it when you spent a whole 5 minutes or so drinking a beer and then, when you are done, no one believes that you consumed anything?  Here's a dapper way to prove to friends and enemies alike that you are no puss.

Materials:

Bottle of beer (light beer strongly discouraged)

Pearl snap shirt

Note: If you do not own a pearl snap shirt, you should.  A safety pin will do in a bind.

Directions:

1. Drink beer (all of it)

2. Peel off label in a careful fashion 

3. Snap into snap of choice (printed side facing out)

4. Continue night with confidence

Ms. Molly's Wisdom Corner... and then some

Well folks, I wanted to post a quote of the day every day, but not every day has a quote worthy of such a prestigious and well written blog, therefore only days that have splendid pearls of homesteadin wisdom will be quoted. This one happens to be from my good friend Robert on Friday in regards to glass in my backyard


"Chickens don't know the difference between glass and not glass!"


Thank you Robert, I strongly agree.

On a different note, I  just want to say that I am super proud of myself because I recently learned to make bagels. Yes, bagels. The ones I made are peanut butter. I will be producing a steady supply of these donut wanna-be gems from here on out and it's likely that my obsession will continue into winter where everyone I know will receive a box for Christmas. (Which then reminded me of when the Atkins diet was really big, I mean, people were really just eating meat. Seriously, my aunt and uncle did it and they were not encouraged to eat vegetables. welcome to medieval Europe.) They key to baking any yeast bread is patience, which in the past has been my biggest downfall. I have tried for two years now to get a decent loaf of sourdough and failed. Someday I will have a digital camera in this new digital age and I will post pictures of all the glorious bagels. In the meantime here is a picture of an old timey jewish bagel peddler:

Why Fruity Pebbles are a Poor Investment

    All nutritional concerns aside, Fruity Pebbles have got to be the worst breakfast cereal consistently available on the market.  Now, I like tiny things, bright colors and the Flinstones as much as the next person,  but not one of these components is prevalent enough to right this disaster of a product.

Okay, let me break down the Pebble experience:
1. Take one bowl of dry, crunchy, beautiful, vibrant little Fruity Pebbles. 
2. Add one cup fucking ice cold 2% milk
3. Observe as your bowl of treasure turns to bullshit
4. Consume what has mysteriously transformed into room temperature porridge that tastes fruit scented rather than fruit flavored.

   The pebble, which consists mostly of sawdust, absorbs moisture not only depleting your milk but destroying its own integrity.  Additionally,  Fruity Pebbles possess the power to turn milk tepid upon impact despite how cold it might have been to start with. 

   You know how disappointing it is to eat the end of a box of cereal?  There is a smattering of intact cereal bits and then a lot of breakfast dust that turns to paste when the milk hits it.  That is every bowl of Fruity Pebbles.

    Purchase Fruity Pebbles only if Cap'n Crunch Oops! All Berries are not in season and you were set on eating a mistake.  Seriously, even if there is a toy inside, it isn't worth it.  Take a pass on the Pebbles.

Molly's Wisdom Corner

Quote of Yesterday:   "There's always room for dessert, in my opinion." -Molly at the Tuesday Ice Cream Social